I have a suspicion that this will be the most controversial post I will ever write. My prayer and hope is that it will also be the most useful and productive post I ever write. Before I start I ask you all for one thing: your unbiased, open, freethinking, non-judgmental mind. Please read the entire post and ponder on it for a while before you pass judgment on it – I realize it is a controversial subject.
One of the advantages of completing my college education 25 years later than I should have, is the life experience I brought to the classes. In fact, my children were already at the age I should have been when I completed my degree. The experience made me decide to pursue a minor in Christian Counseling. As such, I took many courses in marital counseling, parental guidance, addiction counseling, spousal abuse, etc. I learned a lot from these courses, but what I really took away from them is that bad counseling is worse than no counseling at all. This is the reason counselors are required to be licensed – it is a difficult and heavy burden to bear, but I can see how one could feel God’s calling into that area. In today’s society, good counselors are in higher demand than ever before. But I want to focus on one aspect in this post – addiction. Addiction touches every family in one way or another. Later in the post, I want to talk about one person in my family that addiction had affected in a terrible way – that I still have hope for and belief in.
But first, I want to introduce you to Jeff Bates…
Now, I want to get up on my soapbox for a minute. I am an addict. You are an addict. Every person you know and see and has ever lived and ever will live is, was, and will be an addict. It is true – that is a fundamental truth, and once you understand it and learn what the true cure for “addiction” is, you will never see the world the same way again. You can ignore me, dismiss me, laugh at me, call me crazy, say I have oversimplified it, say I am wrong about you – that you are not an addict, whatever you want to do. But I want you to think for a minute… There are “good” addictions and there are “bad” addictions. “Bad” addictions include things like drugs and alcohol. They are the addictions society deems unacceptable and/or are physically destructive. “Good” addictions include things like religion, work, and hobbies. These are the things society views as positive and worthwhile. Most addictions can be good or bad – including those already mentioned – but consider money, sex, music, food, television, social media, sports, exercise, etc. In moderation, they are fine – taken to extremes, they can be a problem. It is easy for us to pass judgment on those who use drugs and alcohol as a crutch, while we drink our morning coffee, our soft drinks, use our tobacco products, and overeat at the buffet for supper… If you have never had to deal with a destructive, negative, “bad” addiction, you should thank God from your knees every day. Consider this Tim McGraw song…
Now – what is the cure? While I am still on my soapbox, let me keep going. Although there are many great programs out there that do a fantastic job rehabilitating addicts, one thing has always concerned me: a for profit program has a vested interest to have repeat customers. I ain’t saying they do it on purpose – I’m just saying they ain’t sad to see a customer walk back through the doors. The only true cure for addiction is to learn to swap a “bad” addiction with a “good” addiction – ala “drugs for Jesus” in the McGraw song. Humans are creatures of habit – plain and simple. Getting clean is one thing; staying clean is another. Staying clean requires a change of habit(s) and addiction(s) including “friend(s)” and hangout locations. It takes effort to achieve results.
Now I want to get personal – tell a story, challenge one man I love and the family who has given up on him to find out what it will take, once and for all, to change his life forever…
Tracy is a couple of years older than me, and is probably the most athletically gifted person that I know personally. I have always admired him and his athletic ability – there was no limit to what he could do when he was in high school. He was an incredible running back, threw a knuckle ball about 80mph with a 90mph fastball, and had a beautiful golf swing. He went to the Goodwill Games in Russia and won a gold medal in the bench press – and set a new world record in the process. How incredible is that? At one point in his life, he was the strongest man in the world at his weight class – a world class weightlifter. And I not only knew him and went to school with him, he was my first cousin. Hell, Jim and I even rode to school with him for a year or so until we got our car. But then, something happened. I don’t know when, I don’t know why. Only he does. I wish I did. Tracy traded all that ability for a life of drugs and crime. He has tried, on several occasions, to clean up his act. For whatever reason, it has not worked. I suspect it has not worked because of the environment and people he has chosen to hang around. I am not passing judgment on them – they may not be bad people in and of themselves. But some people are just enablers and/or tend to influence each other in a certain direction. I challenge my family to be there for Tracy. I know it is hard – I understand the broken promises and the stealing and the pain and the anger. I really do. I know it is dangerous. I know the bad elements that may show up unannounced. I know that many of you have given up on him completely – I understand and respect your choice. I really do. But I will never give up on him – somewhere deep inside there is that person I know and love. It is heartbreaking that his addictions have caused him to do things that have hurt so many people. I wanted – so desperately – for him to turn things around permanently before Uncle Walt passed. You have no idea how hard I prayed for that Tracy. I don’t have any answers, but God does. It’s not up to me to judge him either – that is why I won’t ever be able to give up on him. Tracy, I am here for you 24/7/365 – to talk, to go fishing, to go play golf (well, ride in a cart anyhow), to go do anything constructive and help you stay away from the destructive things in your life. There is no “someday”. Right now is all you got.
If there is one thing I have learned about addiction, no one can beat it alone. In fact, the larger the support group, the better. Each person walks a unique path – none easy, but the more shoulders to cry on and the more wise souls to get advice from, the better. I love my family more than anything else on planet earth – every member of it. Tracy, I turn 50 this year; you passed that a couple of years ago. Both our bodies are much older than that I am afraid; mostly due to poor decisions we have made. I would love to see you grow old. If you don’t change your path you won’t live to be an old man. I plan on trying my best to be around to tell stories about our high school days…