Like everyone else in America, I have struggled with this Covid-19 pandemic, how to deal with it, and when is it ok to move on with life. Well, as I have watched nature move from spring into summer I have noticed something: nothing in nature has changed. The birds have all paired off and nested. Carpenter bees have drilled their home into our carport rafters. Other bees have pollenated nature to bloom and mature. Trees have gained their leaves and have sturdied themselves for summers’ dry spells and thunderstorms. Squirrels play together like there is no tomorrow. Maybe they are on to something, I don’t know? We are not promised tomorrow (as those Bible readers are surely aware). This has led me to a point in life where I am at a crossroad. I have sought God’s advice, and lately, I have been getting mixed signals. I feel like I am ready to move on with my life, but into what?
I have let my hair grow out for several reasons: one being the mourning of my mother. I have realized, recently, that she would want me to move on and be who and what God wants me to be. But what is that exactly? I’m not sure. And I don’t know if I can figure it out alone. I need someone wiser than me – who understands me, but is selfless (unlike me) and can see the bigger picture. I know most of my problems in life are self inflicted, but I also believe they all happened for a reason. There is a reason I have stumbled down the path I have traveled. I feel like I have a lot to offer, but feel useless to realize it alone. There is someone out there who can complete me. Love does not understand boundaries. Love does not see with eyes. Love sees through the soul. And mine has been looking – as deeply and hard as I know how – for purpose and completeness – someone who sees me for who I am. I want someone who understands this.
So, which comes first: a haircut or finding someone who understands why I grew it out in the first place. I guess I will wait for an answer before I am allowed to move. As for Covid-19, I understand the risk/reward attached, and the danger it brings to certain members of society. I have no answers, but I feel like we are stuck in a conundrum without good answers. But if we leave ourselves in neutral too long, we will certainly come to a complete – and full stop. I ain’t sure anybody wants that to happen. I have lived it long enough.
#stuckinneutral